Remember when I wrote my first ever post on this blog and claimed it was likely to be the worst post I ever wrote? Well prepare to be proven wrong…

Today I complained to a friend about my current inability to write anything decent whatsoever. I currently have a list of projects I could and should be working on, yet despite my best efforts the last week or so I’ve suffered from a deplorable lack of creativity, also known as the dreaded Writer’s Block. (Yes, I’m calling myself a writer, deal with it)

Here’s my to-do list, all of which is presently being ignored

1. Begin third and final installation of St Victoria’s (critically acclaimed by my sister, my cat and a handful of loyal friends who probably just said it was good to get me to shut up about it)
2. Continue working on biopic screenplay (more on that in the future) I’ve written roughly 45 minutes worth.
3. Research information on a mini-series, access transcripts and begin planning
4. Continue writing several short stories in order to complete the book of short stories that only I care about
5. Write a decent blog post…

Like I said, all are being ignored.

“Don’t worry about it,” my friend – who was most likely at his wits end – said “it’s just writer’s block, you’ll think of what to write sooner or later” He’s wrong of course (but he’s a nice guy so I did an Elsa and let it go) because it was at that moment that I realised it wasn’t writer’s block I was suffering from, it was something much, much worse.

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, writer’s block is:

“The condition of being unable to think of what to write or how to proceed with writing.”

Only, I know exactly what it is I want to write – believe me, I have so many ideas – and I know exactly how I’m going to proceed with the writing. Here’s the proof

1. For my third and final installation of St Victoria’s I’m opening with my lead character Rosetta lamenting the recent turn of events in her life to her on/off BFF Ronald. The opening paragraph will be about tea because she’s a neurotic, paranoid and he’s not great with the advice and the best he can do is offer her a brew – sorted.
2.  For my biopic I’m about to introduce the protagonist’s future husband who à la Knight in Shining Armour ‘saves’ her from a run in with a not so friendly sailor – sorted.
3. My research involves reading transcripts all of which I have already sourced and downloaded – sorted.
4. My latest short story is set in Rome and I know exactly how it begins; late afternoon in a typical Roman cafe – sorted.
5. And the blog post…well, I suppose it’s this

So it’s tragically not writer’s block I’m suffering from but what I like to call Writer’s Preference for Procrastination (or WPP for all you scientists). I had a day off work today and I spent it watching La La Land win and then lose Best Picture at the Oscars, talking about carpet bags with my sister, trying to take a decent photo of my coffee for an artsy Instagram (I failed), making a new ‘writing’ playlist only to ignore it and shuffle all my music anyway and moaning to my friend.

Nightmare. And a classic case of WPP. After reflecting on all of this I turned back to my mate and explained to him why I thought his diagnosis was wrong.

“Oh right,” he said (now officially bored of my moaning) “well, you could always blog about it.”

And thus my intervention begins.