Heads

If there’s one good thing about showing up to an event overdressed it’s that you’ll definitely make an impression. Which is what you want right? You didn’t spend three hours choosing your outfit, doing your hair and matching your shoes to fade into the wallpaper did you? People will sit up and take notice of your fashion-forward look, they’ll wonder why they didn’t think of pairing that bag with those heels, you’ll set trends. Not to mention the awe you’ll inspire, how does she do it? She looks fabulous and she’s been in work all day! He’s got three toddlers at home and he looks like he’s off to the Oscars. People will wonder why they can’t manage it, like you can, superhero status awaits…

Tails

Remember that girl who wore a prom dress to Nandos? Yeah, that’s you. How hard is it really to judge the occasion properly? I mean, don’t you ever get out? Or are these post-work beers in Spoons the extent of your social life? You may think you look fabulous in your three piece pinstripe but to the rest of us it’s pathetic. It’s not that we’re all scruffy in our shirts and blazers and jumpsuits, no, no we understand what ‘smart-casual’ means that’s the difference. Being overdressed is synonymous with being sheltered, it’s like you have no social skills or don’t realise that your nephew’s school production of West Side Story isn’t Aida at the Met. You can forget the whole ‘there’s nothing sexier than a man in a suit’ spiel, the mood set by that erotic-thriller you watched at Odeon is killed pretty quickly when you’re date has to battle with five layers of plaids and a pocket square. Ever heard of the phrase ‘Dandy Dick’? You have now…