Recently my friend Catherine asked me to rank all the songs on Taylor Swift’s 2019 Lover album. Now, I’m not the biggest Taylor Swift fan; I like a few of her singles and I’ve listened to 1989 a few times but beyond that, my Swiftie knowledge is pretty limited so this is going to be an interesting task.

Thankfully Lover ‘only’ has 18 tracks (unlike her most recent album which, if you include bonus tracks and deluxe versions has almost 40!) so this shouldn’t be too tricky! I listened to the album in full a few times to make sure I was getting a good feel of the whole project and to familiarise myself with each song.

So (finally) here it is – this one’s for you Cath!

18. You Need to Calm Down

I quickly realised that I was more familiar with these songs that I thought I was (I’m terrible at song names, sue me) and You Need to Calm Down is one of those songs that I already knew…and I hate it. I honestly just dislike pretty much everything about this song, particularly the chorus. All I can say is…uh oh.

17. London Boy

Sigh. This song makes me irrationally angry. All the references to areas of London (the Heath, West End, Highgate etc.) and the ‘Britishisms’ (“I fancy you”, ‘Uni’, “don’t threaten me with a good time” etc.) are just nauseatingly cliché. The plus side is that the chorus is admittedly catchy but this song is definitely on my ‘skip’ list.

16. ME!

Another one that I already knew (thanks to my local Co-Op that never stops playing it) and another one I dislike. I guess I don’t like overly happy songs with ‘eeh,eeh, eehs’ peppered in them. Brendon Urie is an okay addition to the song but overall the song is just a major eyeroll for me.

15. I Forgot You Existed

Ironically, despite it being the opening track, I forgot this song existed.

14. It’s Nice to Have a Friend

I consulted my notes for this one because I couldn’t remember anything about it and I’d written one word: boring. Go figure.

13. Get Better

Okay so this isn’t a bad song. It’s an emotional, semi acoustic ballad that touches on loved ones falling ill (inspired by her parents’ cancer diagnosis) but honestly, it’s just too sad to listen to over and over.

12. The Man

Okay, so melody-wise, this is a pretty good song. It has a catchy chorus and is overall pretty fun. My issue is with the lyrics. Now I get it, Taylor is making a point about how women are judged more harshly than their Y-chromosome counterparts, a good point, one that’s validated by her own experiences with the media. The trouble is she focusses on already negative examples of men (alphas, the likes of Leonardo DiCaprio (bonus points for that shade)) whereas in reality, women experience double standards and sexist treatment even in comparison to your ‘regular’ guys, the unproblematic guys that we know and love. Honestly, Beyonce did it better with If I Were a Boy.

11.  I Think He Knows

This is probably one of the most ‘meh’ songs on the album. It’s neither here nor there, not bad at all but literally there’s nothing special about it either. I’m personally not a fan of that quick speak-sing stuff Taylor does in a number of her songs and this track features that pretty heavily. It’s honestly just a nothing song.

10. Afterglow

Afterlife is a solid, mid-tempo number towards the end of the album. Led by a pulse beat, the drums do a lot of the heavy lifting in this song because melody-wise, it’s only okay. It’s a nice song, a little forgettable but not as obnoxious as the likes of You Need to Calm Down or ME!

9. The Archer

The Archer is a moody and atmospheric ballad that leads with a memorable melody and introduces more components as it builds. I like this song, it’s a solid addition to the album and the slower pace is appreciated compared to many of the other faster paced numbers on the album.

8. Daylight

This is a great way to finish the album. The slow build to the main chorus really pays off with it being almost two minutes into the song before we experience the chorus in full. As a whole, Lover has a number of ethereal and atmospheric numbers and Daylight is probably the best example of this. It loses marks for the extended voice note style outro; I’m not generally a fan of these (and they seem to be appear in more and more songs) but can live with them if they’re short and/or relevant – this one however, seems pretty self-indulgent, cheesy and doesn’t seem natural at all, sorry Taylor.

7. Death by a Thousand Cuts

There’s a lot to like about this song. The instrumentals are great – from the drum beat to the swirling…harp? Piano? Guitar? It’s hard to exactly work out what instrument it is (let’s face it, it’s probably a computer) but it sounds great. The melody is fun, tinged in a little sadness, and the middle eight (that bridge between a song’s second and final chorus) is punchy and switches things up in a good way. The lyrics are a little corny in places but maybe that’s just Taylor Swift for you.

6. False God

I love this song and really it should be a lot higher on the list. The jazzy opening, the sultry mood and bluesy saxophone that cuts through the chorus are all fantastic. The lyrics – the blurred lines between religion and sex – are intriguing and there’s an overall sensual vibe that stands out compared to some of the more bubble-gum tracks on the album. My major issue is with the vocals. Taylor Swift can, of course, sing, but vocally she’s best suited to fun pop and that kind of sing-speak style that I mentioned before. If a smoother vocalist took the lead False God may have topped this list.

5. Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince

Another moody, darker track that’s an insight into Taylor’s disillusionment with the political landscape in America (this was 2019, imagine the kind of track we’d get now). She expresses her dissatisfaction by comparing politics to high school politics, (possibly the most American metaphor ever) and creates a tense, gloomy vibe that’s laced with marching drums and plenty of synth – one of the highlights of the album.

4. Paper Rings

Arguably Miss Americana is the better song but Paper Rings is just so much fun! It’s a quintessential Taylor Swift love song – filled with catchy melodies, fun lyrics, a great middle eight (I love them) and a beat that’s reminiscent of Avril Lavigne’s Girlfriend – what’s not to love?

3. Lover

Lover is Taylor Swift’s answer to Ed Sheeran’s Thinking Out Loud, destined to make the playlist of every wedding party for the next decade. The album’s title track is great; slow, atmospheric, romantic but carefully avoiding schmaltz. Interestingly – for me – the middle eight is possibly a little too cheesy for me but it doesn’t detract from how good a ballad this is.

2. Cornelia Street

Cornelia Street (named for the street in Manhattan) isn’t the flashiest song on the album but it highlights Taylor Swift’s wonderful storytelling ability and her knack for taking something personal and relatively niche (not many people necessarily have a melancholy nostalgia for Cornelia Street – I’m pretty certain it means very little to most New Yorkers) and making it incredibly relatable. The track is bittersweet and tinged with sadness but manages to avoid the ‘sad song’ label and is one of the highlights of the album.

1. Cruel Summer

Was there really any competition? Cruel Summer is a perfect pop song and one that is reminiscent of Taylor Swift’s 1989 era (her musical zenith). A driving beat, moody atmosphere (surprise, surprise, I like her moody songs best), fun lyrics (devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes) a memorable chorus and…yes, you guessed it…an amazing middle eight! Cruel Summer is not just the best song on Lover, it’s one of Taylor Swift’s all time best tracks.