Welcome back! I recently ranked every UK No 1 of 2005 and decided that it would be fun to rewind another 20 years and tackle 1985.

As before, I have a few house rules. The most important one being, only songs that were initially released in the UK in 1985 are being considered (so no Band Aid which was a 1984 release). For the sake of fairness I’ll listen to each song – even the ones I’m already familiar with – and will try my best to separate the art from any problematic artists along the way.

There are 19 songs to sort this time around, so let’s crack on.

19. We Are The World – USA for Africa (2)

A poor man’s Band Aid.

18. 19 – Paul Hardcastle (5)

I really wanted to rank 19 19th but whatever. Paul Hardcastle’s hit primarily involves synth (duh, it’s 1984) and a lot of talking samples, focusing on the USA’s involvement in the Vietnam War. As an anti-war message it works…as a song?
Hmm.

17. If I Was – Midge Ure (1)

A bit of a snooze if truth be told. Put it this way, I started doing the dishes when this played.

16. Frankie – Sister Sledge (4)

Honestly this has to be the most ‘meh’ song to spend four weeks at the top of the charts. It’s not bad, but it’s not good – it’s literally middle of the road, the sort of song that you’d expect to be the B-side to an actual smash hit.

15. You’ll Never Walk Alone – The Crowd (2)

I don’t really like including charity tracks because it all seems a bit unfair. This rendition of You’ll Never Walk Alone was put together by Gerry Marsden of Gerry and the Pacemakers and featured all kinds of singers and television personalities, raising money for the families of victims of the Bradford City stadium fire. As a song it’s just fine but as a charity endeavour it’s nice to see it get to the top of the charts. 

14. A Good Heart – Feargal Sharkey (2)

I find this sort a bit weird. Feargal Sharkey’s slightly odd enunciation in the verses throws me (it’s giving…I don’t know…priest vibes?!), the bridge into the chorus suggests we’re going to get something bombastic and then it sort of just…falls flat. 

13. Move Closer – Phyllis Nelson (1)

I didn’t recognise this song and listening to it didn’t ring any bells either. It sort of sounds like five different (better) 80s songs all combined into one, every time I thought I ‘had it’ I realised no, I don’t actually know this song at all.

12. I Got You Babe – UB40 and Chrissie Hynde (1)

A random cover of the Sonny and Cher hit (the superior version which also (thankfully) achieved No 1) – the slightly more reggae vibe works here and overall it’s ‘pleasant’. Fun fact: Chrissie Hynde (underused here) co-wrote Friends’ Smelly Cat and guest stars in The One with the Baby on the Bus, you’re welcome.

11. I Want to Know What Love is – Foreigner (3)

A classic power ballad – bit too much of a karaoke feel these days.

10. Dancing in the Steet – David Bowie and Mick Jagger (4)

I’ve never been a big fan of this song but I won’t deny it’s catchy. More fun than the song itself is the music video – I get the impression the director told Bowie and Jagger to ‘Just Dance’.

9. I’m Your Man – Wham! (2)

I like Wham! but this is such a corny song that if anyone else had released it there’s almost no chance it would get to No 1. When I say this song is cheesy I’m talking Gary Barlow levels of cheese, like even the sax solo manages to sound lame (quite a feat given the success of Careless Whisper)…I’ll still sing along though!

8. Easy Lover – Philip Bailey and Phil Collins (4)

Both these Phils have a penchant for cheese and Easy Lover is super cheesy…it’s also super catchy.

7. There Must be an Angel (Playing with My Heart) – Eurythmics (1)

How Frankie managed four weeks at the top compared to this paltry one week showing from Eurythmics is beyond me (maybe people got sick of announcing the ridiculously long title on the radio?) That said, this is Eurythmics’ only song to reach the top and it’s not even their best; Sweet Dreams? Here Comes the Rain Again? Thorn in my Side? All better songs. You will find yourself singing the ‘da-da-doo’ bit though…

6. You Spin Me Round (Like a Record) – Dead or Alive (2)

Does anyone remember the garbage version Flo Rida did with Kesha (sorry, Ke$ha) in 2009? Not to sound too much like my father but, the original is miles better.

5. The Power of Love – Jennifer Rush (5)

The biggest selling No 1 of the year. This song has been covered numerous times (I’m partial to the Laura Branigan version to be honest) but the original still holds up. Meanwhile, what was the deal with all the 80s hits called The Power of Love? You’ve got this, the Huey Lewis song, and the Frankie Goes to Hollywood song (the best of the three).

4. Merry Christmas Everyone – Shakin’ Stevens (1)

I know, I know, ranking a Christmas song this high is criminal but the 80s have a whole host of Xmas bangers and let’s face it, we all still sing and get into the festive spirit whenever this one comes on. A classic. 

3. Get into the Groove – Madonna (4)

Despite four weeks at the top, I’d argue Into the Groove is one of Madonna’s ‘forgotten’ number ones. This is one is just so 80s. It’s also the lead single from the soundtrack of Desperately Seeking Susan which is also just so 80s.

2. Saving All My Love for You – Whitney Houston (2)

Some of Whitney’s ballads fall into the cringe category (I’m looking at you, One Moment in Time) but Saving All My Love for You has an easy groove that still manages to show off her amazing vocals without sounding like the end credits of a bad movie. Bonus points for having a smooth sax solo (ahem, Wham!).

1. I Know Him So Well – Elaine Paige and Barbara Dickson (4)

You’re going to think I’m biased for putting a musical theatre song top of the list, but to be fair, this song was the second biggest hit of the year, so I’m not the only one who LOVES this. Taken from the (tragically underrated) musical Chess, this duet, penned by ABBA’s Benny and Bjorn, is the closest thing we got to an ABBA comeback and it’s fantastic. Yes it’s dramatic, yes it’s cheesy as heck and yes the music video is hilariously bad but just take a moment to think about all the joy it’s brought: it’s a mother/daughter/ staple at most family functions/weddings/anniversary parties; the 80s hairstyles(!); Pam and Mick singing it in Gavin and Stacey; and of course, all the music video parodies. It’s a great song and should be included in any musical theatre playlist worth its salt. Oh, and to this day, nobody does it better than Barbara and Elaine. 

Second the Best

There were some BIG No 2s in 1985. a-Ha’s Take on Me, Everybody Wants to Rule the World by Tears for Fears and Madonna’s Holiday (kept off the top spot by her own hit Get into the Groove) are some of the biggest names taking home the silver medal. 

Across the Pond

Madonna’s Like a Virgin was a No 1 hit for several weeks in the States, whereas here it only reached No 3. Wham! and Phil Collins also enjoyed more success across the pond in 1985 with Careless Whisper (which peaked at No 1 the year before in the UK) being the biggest selling single of the year and both One More Night and Sussudio ( a “great, great song, a personal favourite” according to Patrick Bateman) hitting the top spot for Collins.

The Hit that Got Away

The majority of the biggest selling singles did chart highly in the UK but there are a few surprise hits that didn’t perform as well as you’d think – Paul Young’s classic Everytime you Go Away only managed fourth place, but my contender for the biggest hit that got away is Hall & Oats’ Out of Touch. It only reached 48 here, although did manage a No 1 in America, perhaps the biggest insult is that the Uniting Nations 2004 version peaked at No 7!